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A large fireplace with huge logs shed warmth and cheerfulness around. In one corner sat Peter salving his violin, while our youthful neighbors danced with us and played blindman's buff almost every evening during the vacation. The most interesting character in this game was a black boy called Jacob Peter's lieutenant , who made things lively for us by always keeping one eye open—a wise precaution to guard himself from danger, and to keep us on the jump. Hickory nuts, sweet cider, and olie-koeks a Dutch name for a fried cake with raisins inside were our refreshments when there came a lull in the fun.
As St. Nicholas was supposed to come down the chimney, our stockings were pinned on a broomstick, laid across two chairs in front of the fireplace. We retired on Christmas Eve with the most pleasing anticipations of what would be in our stockings next morning. The thermometer in that latitude was often twenty degrees below zero, yet, bright and early, we would run downstairs in our bare feet over the cold floors to carry stockings, broom, etc.
The gorgeous presents that St. Nicholas now distributes show that he, too, has been growing up with the country. The boys and girls of will laugh when they hear of the contents of our stockings in There was a little paper of candy, one of raisins, another of nuts, a red apple, an olie-koek, and a bright silver quarter of a dollar in the toe.
If a child had been guilty of any erratic performances during the year, which was often my case, a long stick would protrude from the stocking; if particularly good, an illustrated catechism or the New Testament would appear, showing that the St.
Nicholas of that time held decided views on discipline and ethics. During the day we would take a drive over the snow-clad hills and valleys in a long red lumber sleigh. All the children it could hold made the forests echo with their songs and laughter. The sleigh bells and Peter's fine tenor voice added to the chorus seemed to chant, as we passed, "Merry Christmas" to the farmers' children and to all we met on the highway.
Returning home, we were allowed, as a great Christmas treat, to watch all Peter's preparations for dinner. Attired in a white apron and turban, holding in his hand a tin candlestick the size of a dinner plate, containing a tallow candle, with stately step he marched into the spacious cellar, with Jacob and three little girls dressed in red flannel at his heels.
As the farmers paid the interest on their mortgages in barrels of pork, headcheese, poultry, eggs, and cider, the cellars were well crowded for the winter, making the master of an establishment quite indifferent to all questions of finance.
We heard nothing in those days of greenbacks, silver coinage, or a gold basis. Laden with vegetables, butter, eggs, and a magnificent turkey, Peter and his followers returned to the kitchen. There, seated on a big ironing table, we watched the dressing and roasting of the bird in a tin oven in front of the fire. Jacob peeled the vegetables, we all sang, and Peter told us marvelous stones. For tea he made flapjacks, baked in a pan with a long handle, which he turned by throwing the cake up and skillfully catching it descending.
Peter was a devout Episcopalian and took great pleasure in helping the young people decorate the church. He would take us with him and show us how to make evergreen wreaths. Like Mary's lamb, where'er he went we were sure to go. His love for us was unbounded and fully returned. He was the only being, visible or invisible, of whom we had no fear. We would go to divine service with Peter, Christmas morning and sit with him by the door, in what was called "the negro pew.
Dressed in a new suit of blue with gilt buttons, he looked like a prince, as, with head erect, he walked up the aisle, the grandest specimen of manhood in the whole congregation; and yet so strong was prejudice against color in that no one would kneel beside him.
On leaving us, on one of these occasions, Peter told us all to sit still until he returned; but, no sooner had he started, than the youngest of us slowly followed after him and seated herself close beside him. As he came back, holding the child by the hand, what a lesson it must have been to that prejudiced congregation!
The first time we entered the church together the sexton opened a white man's pew for us, telling Peter to leave the Judge's children there. The festivities were numerous and protracted, beginning then, as now, at midnight with bonfires and cannon; while the day was ushered in with the ringing of bells, tremendous cannonading, and a continuous popping of fire-crackers and torpedoes. Then a procession of soldiers and citizens marched through the town, an oration was delivered, the Declaration of Independence read, and a great dinner given in the open air under the trees in the grounds of the old courthouse.
Each toast was announced with the booming of cannon. On these occasions Peter was in his element, and showed us whatever he considered worth seeing; but I cannot say that I enjoyed very much either "general training" or the Fourth of July, for, in addition to my fear of cannon and torpedoes, my sympathies were deeply touched by the sadness of our cook, whose drunken father always cut antics in the streets on gala days, the central figure in all the sports of the boys, much to the mortification of his worthy daughter.
She wept bitterly over her father's public exhibition of himself, and told me in what a condition he would come home to his family at night. I would gladly have stayed in with her all day, but the fear of being called a coward compelled me to go through those trying ordeals.
As my nerves were all on the surface, no words can describe what I suffered with those explosions, great and small, and my fears lest King George and his minions should reappear among us. I thought that, if he had done all the dreadful things stated in the Declaration of '76, he might come again, burn our houses, and drive us all into the street. Sir William Johnson's mansion of solid masonry, gloomy and threatening, still stood in our neighborhood.
I had seen the marks of the Indian's tomahawk on the balustrades and heard of the bloody deeds there enacted. For all the calamities of the nation I believed King George responsible.
At home and at school we were educated to hate the English.
When we remember that, every Fourth of July, the Declaration was read with emphasis, and the orator of the day rounded all his glowing periods with denunciations of the mother country, we need not wonder at the national hatred of everything English. Our patriotism in those early days was measured by our dislike of Great Britain. In September occurred the great event, the review of the county militia, popularly called "Training Day. There was a peculiar kind of gingerbread and molasses candy to which we were treated on those occasions, associated in my mind to this day with military reviews and standing armies.
Other pleasures were, roaming in the forests and sailing on the mill pond. One day, when there were no boys at hand and several girls were impatiently waiting for a sail on a raft, my sister and I volunteered to man the expedition. We always acted on the assumption that what we had seen done, we could do. Accordingly we all jumped on the raft, loosened it from its moorings, and away we went with the current. Navigation on that mill pond was performed with long poles, but, unfortunately, we could not lift the poles, and we soon saw we were drifting toward the dam.
But we had the presence of mind to sit down and hold fast to the raft. Fortunately, we went over right side up and gracefully glided down the stream, until rescued by the ever watchful Peter.
I did not hear the last of that voyage for a long time. I was called the captain of the expedition, and one of the boys wrote a composition, which he read in school, describing the adventure and emphasizing the ignorance of the laws of navigation shown by the officers in command.
I shed tears many times over that performance. WHEN I was eleven years old, two events occurred which changed considerably the current of my life. My only brother, who had just graduated from Union College, came home to die.
A young man of great talent and promise, he was the pride of my father's heart. We early felt that this son filled a larger place in our father's affections and future plans than the five daughters together.
Well do I remember how tenderly he watched my brother in his last illness, the sighs and tears he gave vent to as he slowly walked up and down the hall, and, when the last sad moment came, and we were all assembled to say farewell in the silent chamber of death, how broken were his utterances as he knelt and prayed for comfort and support. I still recall, too, going into the large darkened parlor to see my brother, and finding the casket, mirrors, and pictures all draped in white, and my father seated by his side, pale and immovable.
As he took no notice of me, after standing a long while, I climbed upon his knee, when he mechanically put his arm about me and, with my head resting against his beating heart, we both sat in silence, he thinking of the wreck of all his hopes in the loss of a dear son, and I wondering what could be said or done to fill the void in his breast. At length he heaved a deep sigh and said: "Oh, my daughter, I wish you were a boy! Then and there I resolved that I would not give so much time as heretofore to play, but would study and strive to be at the head of all my classes and thus delight my father's heart.
All that day and far into the night I pondered the problem of boyhood. I thought that the chief thing to be done in order to equal boys was to be learned and courageous. So I decided to study Greek and learn to manage a horse. Having formed this conclusion I fell asleep. My resolutions, unlike many such made at night, did not vanish with the coming light. I arose early and hastened to put them into execution. They were resolutions never to be forgotten—destined to mold my character anew.
As soon as I was dressed I hastened to our good pastor, Rev. Simon Hosack, who was always early at work in his garden. I am going to ride on horseback and study Greek. Will you give me a Greek lesson now, doctor? I want to begin at once. The old grammar which he had studied in the University of Glasgow was soon in my hands, and the Greek article was learned before breakfast.
How I suffered during those sad days! What strange undefined fears of the unknown took possession of me! For months afterward, at the twilight hour, I went with my father to the new-made grave.
Near it stood two tall poplar trees, against one of which I leaned, while my father threw himself on the grave, with outstretched arms, as if to embrace his child.
At last the frosts and storms of November came and threw a chilling barrier between the living and the dead, and we went there no more. During all this time I kept up my lessons at the parsonage and made rapid progress. I surprised even my teacher, who thought me capable of doing anything. I learned to drive, and to leap a fence and ditch on horseback.
I taxed every power, hoping some day to hear my father say: "Well, a girl is as good as a boy, after all.
When the doctor came over to spend the evening with us, I would whisper in his ear: "Tell my father how fast I get on," and he would tell him, and was lavish in his praises. But my father only paced the room, sighed, and showed that he wished I were a boy; and I, not knowing why he felt thus, would hide my tears of vexation on the doctor's shoulder. Soon after this I began to study Latin, Greek, and mathematics with a class of boys in the Academy, many of whom were much older than I.
For three years one boy kept his place at the head of the class, and I always stood next. Two prizes were offered in Greek.
I strove for one and took the second. How well I remember my joy in receiving that prize. There was no sentiment of ambition, rivalry, or triumph over my companions, nor feeling of satisfaction in receiving this honor in the presence of those assembled on the day of the exhibition.
One thought alone filled my mind. Then, while I stood looking and waiting for him to say something which would show that he recognized the equality of the daughter with the son, he kissed me on the forehead and exclaimed, with a sigh, "Ah, you should have been a boy! I ran to my good doctor. He chased my bitter tears away, and soothed me with unbounded praises and visions of future success. He was then confined to the house with his last illness. He asked me that day if I would like to have, when he was gone, the old lexicon, Testament, and grammar that we had so often thumbed together.
He had but little on earth to bequeath to anyone, but when the last scene in his life was ended, and his will was opened, sure enough there was a clause saying: "My Greek lexicon, Testament, and grammar, and four volumes of Scott's commentaries, I will to Elizabeth Cady.
I can truly say, after an experience of seventy years, that all the cares and anxieties, the trials and disappointments of my whole life, are light, when balanced with my sufferings in childhood and youth from the theological dogmas which I sincerely believed, and the gloom connected with everything associated with the name of religion, the church, the parsonage, the graveyard, and the solemn, tolling bell.
Everything connected with death was then rendered inexpressibly dolorous. The body, covered with a black pall, was borne on the shoulders of men; the mourners were in crape and walked with bowed heads, while the neighbors who had tears to shed, did so copiously and summoned up their saddest facial expressions.
At the grave came the sober warnings to the living and sometimes frightful prophesies as to the state of the dead. All this pageantry of woe and visions of the unknown land beyond the tomb, often haunted my midnight dreams and shadowed the sunshine of my days.
The parsonage, with its bare walls and floors, its shriveled mistress and her blind sister, more like ghostly shadows than human flesh and blood; the two black servants, racked with rheumatism and odoriferous with a pungent oil they used in the vain hope of making their weary limbs more supple; the aged parson buried in his library in the midst of musty books and papers—all this only added to the gloom of my surroundings.
The church, which was bare, with no furnace to warm us, no organ to gladden our hearts, no choir to lead our songs of praise in harmony, was sadly lacking in all attractions for the youthful mind. The preacher, shut up in an octagonal box high above our heads, gave us sermons over an hour long, and the chorister, in a similar box below him, intoned line after line of David's Psalms, while, like a flock of sheep at the heels of their shepherd, the congregation, without regard to time or tune, straggled after their leader.
Years later, the introduction of stoves, a violoncello, Wesley's hymns, and a choir split the church in twain.
These old Scotch Presbyterians were opposed to all innovations that would afford their people paths of flowery ease on the road to Heaven. So, when the thermometer was twenty degrees below zero on the Johnstown Hills, four hundred feet above the Mohawk Valley, we trudged along through the snow, foot-stoves in hand, to the cold hospitalities of the "Lord's House," there to be chilled to the very core by listening to sermons on "predestination," "justification by faith," and "eternal damnation.
As I was guilty of these shortcomings and many more, I early believed myself a veritable child of the Evil One, and suffered endless fears lest he should come some night and claim me as his own.
To me he was a personal, ever-present reality, crouching in a dark corner of the nursery. Thanks to a vigorous constitution and overflowing animal spirits, I was able to endure for years the strain of these depressing influences until my reasoning powers and common sense triumphed at last over my imagination. The memory of my own suffering has prevented me from ever shadowing one young soul with any of the superstitions of the Christian religion.
But there have been many changes, even in my native town, since those dark days. Our old church was turned into a mitten factory, and the pleasant hum of machinery and the glad faces of men and women have chased the evil spirits to their hiding places. One finds at Johnstown now, beautiful churches, ornamented cemeteries, and cheerful men and women, quite emancipated from the nonsense and terrors of the old theologies.
An important event in our family circle was the marriage of my oldest sister, Tryphena, to Edward Bayard of Wilmington, Delaware. He was a graduate of Union College, a classmate of my brother, and frequently visited at my father's house. At the end of his college course, he came with his brother Henry to study law in Johnstown. A quiet, retired little village was thought to be a good place in which to sequester young men bent on completing their education, as they were there safe from the temptations and distracting influences of large cities.
In addition to this consideration, my father's reputation made his office a desirable resort for students, who, furthermore, not only improved their opportunities by reading Blackstone, Kent, and Story, but also by making love to the Judge's daughters.
We thus had the advantage of many pleasant acquaintances from the leading families in the country, and, in this way, it was that four of the sisters eventually selected most worthy husbands.
Though only twenty-one years of age when married, Edward Bayard was a tall, fully developed man, remarkably fine looking, with cultivated literary taste and a profound knowledge of human nature.
Warm and affectionate, generous to a fault in giving and serving, he was soon a great favorite in the family, and gradually filled the void made in all our hearts by the loss of the brother and son. My father was so fully occupied with the duties of his profession, which often called him from home, and my mother so weary with the cares of a large family, having had ten children, though only five survived at this time, that they were quite willing to shift their burdens to younger shoulders.
Our eldest sister and her husband, therefore, soon became our counselors and advisers. They selected our clothing, books, schools, acquaintances, and directed our reading and amusements. Thus the reins of domestic government, little by little, passed into their hands, and the family arrangements were in a manner greatly improved in favor of greater liberty for the children.
The advent of Edward and Henry Bayard was an inestimable blessing to us. With them came an era of picnics, birthday parties, and endless amusements; the downloading of pictures, fairy books, musical instruments and ponies, and frequent excursions with parties on horseback.
Fresh from college, they made our lessons in Latin, Greek, and mathematics so easy that we studied with real pleasure and had more leisure for play. Henry Bayard's chief pleasures were walking, riding, and playing all manner of games, from jack-straws to chess, with the three younger sisters, and we have often said that the three years he passed in Johnstown were the most delightful of our girlhood. Immediately after the death of my brother, a journey was planned to visit our grandmother Cady, who lived in Canaan, Columbia County, about twenty miles from Albany.
My two younger sisters and myself had never been outside of our own county before, and the very thought of a journey roused our enthusiasm to the highest pitch. On a bright day in September we started, packed in two carriages.
We were wild with delight as we drove down the Mohawk Valley, with its beautiful river and its many bridges and ferryboats. When we reached Schenectady, the first city we had ever seen, we stopped to dine at the old Given's Hotel, where we broke loose from all the moorings of propriety on beholding the paper on the dining-room wall, illustrating in brilliant colors the great events in sacred history. There were the Patriarchs, with flowing beards and in gorgeous attire; Abraham, offering up Isaac; Joseph, with his coat of many colors, thrown into a pit by his brethren; Noah's ark on an ocean of waters; Pharaoh and his host in the Red Sea; Rebecca at the well, and Moses in the bulrushes.
All these distinguished personages were familiar to us, and to see them here for the first time in living colors, made silence and eating impossible. We dashed around the room, calling to each other: "Oh, Kate, look here! The guests were amused beyond description, while my mother and elder sisters were equally mortified; but Mr.
Bayard, who appreciated our childish surprise and delight, smiled and said: "I'll take them around and show them the pictures, and then they will be able to dine," which we finally did. On our way to Albany we were forced to listen to no end of dissertations on manners, and severe criticisms on our behavior at the hotel, but we were too happy and astonished with all we saw to take a subjective view of ourselves.
Even Peter in his new livery, who had not seen much more than we had, while looking out of the corners of his eyes, maintained a quiet dignity and conjured us "not to act as if we had just come out of the woods and had never seen anything before.
The whole party awoke to that fact at last. Children are not actors. We never had experienced anything like this journey, and how could we help being surprised and delighted? When we drove into Albany, the first large city we had ever visited, we exclaimed, "Why, it's general training, here! Fortunately, there was no pictorial wall paper in the old City Hotel. But the decree had gone forth that, on the remainder of the journey, our meals would be served in a private room, with Peter to wait on us.
This seemed like going back to the nursery days and was very humiliating. But eating, even there, was difficult, as we could hear the band from the old museum, and, as our windows opened on the street, the continual panorama of people and carriages passing by was quite as enticing as the Bible scenes in Schenectady. In the evening we walked around to see the city lighted, to look into the shop windows, and to visit the museum. The next morning we started for Canaan, our enthusiasm still unabated, though strong hopes were expressed that we would be toned down with the fatigues of the first day's journey.
The large farm with its cattle, sheep, hens, ducks, turkeys, and geese; its creamery, looms, and spinning wheel; its fruits and vegetables; the drives among the grand old hills; the blessed old grandmother, and the many aunts, uncles, and cousins to kiss, all this kept us still in a whirlpool of excitement. Our joy bubbled over of itself; it was beyond our control. After spending a delightful week at Canaan, we departed, with an addition to our party, much to Peter's disgust, of a bright, coal-black boy of fifteen summers.
Peter kept grumbling that he had children enough to look after already, but, as the boy was handsome and intelligent, could read, write, play on the jewsharp and banjo, sing, dance, and stand on his head, we were charmed with this new-found treasure, who proved later to be a great family blessing. We were less vivacious on the return trip. Whether this was due to Peter's untiring efforts to keep us within bounds, or whether the novelty of the journey was in a measure gone, it is difficult to determine, but we evidently were not so buoyant and were duly complimented on our good behavior.
When we reached home and told our village companions what we had seen in our extensive travels just seventy miles from home they were filled with wonder, and we became heroines in their estimation.
After this we took frequent journeys to Saratoga, the Northern Lakes, Utica, and Peterboro, but were never again so entirely swept from our feet as with the biblical illustrations in the dining room of the old Given's Hotel. As my father's office joined the house, I spent there much of my time, when out of school, listening to the clients stating their cases, talking with the students, and reading the laws in regard to woman.
In our Scotch neighborhood many men still retained the old feudal ideas of women and property. Fathers, at their death, would will the bulk of their property to the eldest son, with the proviso that the mother was to have a home with him. Hence it was not unusual for the mother, who had brought all the property into the family, to be made an unhappy dependent on the bounty of an uncongenial daughter-in-law and a dissipated son.
The tears and complaints of the women who came to my father for legal advice touched my heart and early drew my attention to the injustice and cruelty of the laws. As the practice of the law was my father's business, I could not exactly understand why he could not alleviate the sufferings of these women. So, in order to enlighten me, he would take down his books and show me the inexorable statutes. The students, observing my interest, would amuse themselves by reading to me all the worst laws they could find, over which I would laugh and cry by turns.
One Christmas morning I went into the office to show them, among other of my presents, a new coral necklace and bracelets.
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They all admired the jewelry and then began to, tease me with hypothetical cases of future ownership. I could even exchange them for a box of cigars, and you could watch them evaporate in smoke. So when, from time to time, my attention was called to these odious laws, I would mark them with a pencil, and becoming more and more convinced of the necessity of taking some active measures against these unjust provisions, I resolved to seize the first opportunity, when alone in the office, to cut every one of them out of the books; supposing my father and his library were the beginning and the end of the law.
However, this mutilation of his volumes was never accomplished, for dear old Flora Campbell, to whom I confided my plan for the amelioration of the wrongs of my unhappy sex, warned my father of what I proposed to do. Without letting me know that he had discovered my secret, be explained to me one evening how laws were made, the large number of lawyers and libraries there were all over the State, and that if his library should burn up it would make no difference in woman's condition.
Until I was sixteen years old, I was a faithful student in the Johnstown Academy with a class of boys. Though I was the only girl in the higher classes of mathematics and the languages, yet, in our plays, all the girls and boys mingled freely together. In running races, sliding downhill, and snowballing, we made no distinction of sex. True, the boys would carry the school books and pull the sleighs up hill for their favorite girls, but equality was the general basis of our school relations.
I dare say the boys did not make their snowballs quite so hard when pelting the girls, nor wash their faces with the same vehemence as they did each other's, but there was no public evidence of partiality. However, if any boy was too rough or took advantage of a girl smaller than himself, he was promptly thrashed by his fellows.
There was an unwritten law and public sentiment in that little Academy world that enabled us to study and play together with the greatest freedom and harmony. From the academy the boys of my class went to Union College at Schenectady. When those with whom I had studied and contended for prizes for five years came to bid me good-by, and I learned of the barrier that prevented me from following in their footsteps—"no girls admitted here"—my vexation and mortification knew no bounds.
I remember, now, how proud and handsome the boys looked in their new clothes, as they jumped into the old stage coach and drove off, and how lonely I felt when they were gone and I had nothing to do, for the plans for my future were yet undetermined. Again I felt more keenly than ever the humiliation of the distinctions made on the ground of sex. My time was now occupied with riding on horseback, studying the game of chess, and continually squabbling with the law students over the rights of women.
Something was always coming up in the experiences of everyday life, or in the books we were reading, to give us fresh topics for argument. They would read passages from the British classics quite as aggravating as the laws. They delighted in extracts from Shakespeare, especially from "The Taming of the Shrew," an admirable satire in itself on the old common law of England.
I hated Petruchio as if he were a real man. Young Bayard would recite with unction the famous reply of Milton's ideal woman to Adam: "God thy law, thou mine. In fact it seemed to me that every book taught the "divinely ordained" headship of man; but my mind never yielded to this popular heresy.
WILLARD'S Seminary at Troy was the fashionable school in my girlhood, and in the winter of , with upward of a hundred other girls, I found myself an active participant in all the joys and sorrows of that institution. When in family council it was decided to send me to that intellectual Mecca, I did not receive the announcement with unmixed satisfaction, as I had fixed my mind on Union College.
The thought of a school without boys, who had been to me such a stimulus both in study and play, seemed to my imagination dreary and profitless.
The one remarkable feature of my journey to Troy was the railroad from Schenectady to Albany, the first ever laid in this country.
The manner of ascending a high hill going out of the city would now strike engineers as stupid to the last degree. The passenger cars were pulled up by a train, loaded with stones, descending the hill. The more rational way of tunneling through the hill or going around it had not yet dawned on our Dutch ancestors.
At every step of my journey to Troy I felt that I was treading on my pride, and thus in a hopeless frame of mind I began my boarding-school career. I had already studied everything that was taught there except French, music, and dancing, so I devoted myself to these accomplishments.
As I had a good voice I enjoyed singing, with a guitar accompaniment, and, having a good ear for time, I appreciated the harmony in music and motion and took great delight in dancing.
The large house, the society of so many girls, the walks about the city, the novelty of everything made the new life more enjoyable than I had anticipated.
To be sure I missed the boys, with whom I had grown up, played with for years, and later measured my intellectual powers with, but, as they became a novelty, there was new zest in occasionally seeing them.
After I had been there a short time, I heard a call one day: "Heads out! I have seen boys all my life. As they were not allowed to call upon us or write notes, unless they were brothers or cousins, we had, in time, a large number of kinsmen.
There was an intense interest to me now in writing notes, receiving calls, and joining the young men in the streets for a walk, such as I had never known when in constant association with them at school and in our daily amusements.
Shut up with girls, most of them older than myself, I heard many subjects discussed of which I had never thought before, and in a manner it were better I had never heard. The healthful restraint always existing between boys and girls in conversation is apt to be relaxed with either sex alone. In all my intimate association with boys up to that period, I cannot recall one word or act for criticism, but I cannot say the same of the girls during the three years I passed at the seminary in Troy.
My own experience proves to me that it is a grave mistake to send boys and girls to separate institutions of learning, especially at the most impressible age. The stimulus of sex promotes alike a healthy condition of the intellectual and the moral faculties and gives to both a development they never can acquire alone.
Willard, having spent several months in Europe, did not return until I had been at the seminary some time. I well remember her arrival, and the joy with which she was greeted by the teachers and pupils who had known her before. She was a splendid-looking woman, then in her prime, and fully realized my idea of a queen. I doubt whether any royal personage in the Old World could have received her worshipers with more grace and dignity than did this far-famed daughter of the Republic.
She was one of the remarkable women of that period, and did a great educational work for her sex. She gave free scholarships to a large number of promising girls, fitting them for teachers, with a proviso that, when the opportunity arose, they should, in turn, educate others.
I shall never forget one incident that occasioned me much unhappiness. I had written a very amusing composition, describing my room. A friend came in to see me just as I had finished it, and, as she asked me to read it to her, I did so. She enjoyed it very much and proposed an exchange. She said the rooms were all so nearly alike that, with a little alteration, she could use it. Those selected to prepare compositions read them before the whole school.
My friend's was received with great laughter and applause. The one I read not only fell flat, but nearly prostrated me also. As soon as I had finished, one of the young ladies left the room and, returning in a few moments with her compostions book, laid it before the teacher who presided that day, showing her the same composition I had just read. I was called up at once to explain, but was so amazed and confounded that I could not speak, and I looked the personification of guilt.
I saw at a glance the contemptible position I occupied and felt as if the last day had come, that I stood before the judgment seat and had heard the awful sentence pronounced, "Depart ye wicked into everlasting punishment. I was too wretched for tears. I sat alone for a long time when a gentle tap announced my betrayer. She put her arms around me affectionately and kissed me again and again. You went through that trying ordeal like a soldier.
I was so afraid, when you were pressed with questions, that the whole truth would come out and I be forced to stand in your place. I am not so brave as you; I could not endure it. Now that you are through it and know how bitter a trial it is, promise that you will save me from the same experience. You are so good and noble I know you will not betray me.
The girl had penetrated the weak point of my character. I loved flattery. Through that means she got my composition in the first place, pledged me to silence in the second place, and so confused my moral perceptions that I really thought it praiseworthy to shelter her from what I had suffered.
However, without betrayal on my part, the trick came to light through the very means she took to make concealment sure. After compositions were read they were handed over to a certain teacher for criticism. Miss — had copied mine, and returned to me the original. I had not copied hers, so the two were in the same handwriting—one with my name outside and one with Miss —'s.
As I stood well in school, both for scholarship and behavior, my sudden fall from grace occasioned no end of discussion.
So, as soon as the teacher discovered the two compositions in Miss —'s writing, she came to me to inquire how I got one of Miss —'s compositions. She said, "Where is yours that you wrote for that day? When poor Miss —'s turn came to stand up before the whole school and take the burden on her own shoulders she had so cunningly laid on mine, I readily shed the tears for her I could not summon for myself.
This was my first sad lesson in human duplicity. This episode, unfortunately, destroyed in a measure my confidence in my companions and made me suspicious even of those who came to me with appreciative words. Up to this time I had accepted all things as they seemed on the surface. Now I began to wonder what lay behind the visible conditions about me.
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Perhaps the experience was beneficial, as it is quite necessary for a young girl, thrown wholly on herself for the first time among strangers, to learn caution in all she says and does.
The atmosphere of home life, where all disguises and pretensions are thrown off, is quite different from a large school of girls, with the petty jealousies and antagnonisms that arise in daily competition in their dress, studies, accomplishments, and amusements. The next happening in Troy that seriously influenced my character was the advent of the Rev.
Charles G. Finney, a pulpit orator, who, as a terrifier of human souls, proved himself the equal of Savonarola. He held a protracted meeting in the Rev. Beaman's church, which many of my schoolmates attended. The result of six weeks of untiring effort on the part of Mr. Finney and his confreres was one of those intense revival seasons that swept over the city and through the seminary like an epidemic, attacking in its worst form the most susceptible.
Owing to my gloomy Calvinistic training in the old Scotch Presbyterian church, and my vivid imagination, I was one of the first victims. We attended all the public services, beside the daily prayer and experience meetings held in the seminary. Our studies, for the time, held a subordinated place to the more important duty of saving our souls. To state the idea of conversion and salvation as then understood, one can readily see from our present standpoint that nothing could be more puzzling and harrowing to the young mind.
The revival fairly started, the most excitable were soon on the anxious seat. There we learned the total depravity of human nature and the sinner's awful danger of everlasting punishment. This was enlarged upon until the most innocent girl believed herself a monster of iniquity and felt certain of eternal damnation. Then God's hatred of sin was emphasized and his irreconcilable position toward the sinner so justified that one felt like a miserable, helpless, forsaken worm of the dust in trying to approach him, even in prayer.
Having brought you into a condition of profound humility, the only cardinal virtue for one under conviction, in the depths of your despair you were told that it required no herculean effort on your part to be transformed into an angel, to be reconciled to God, to escape endless perdition.
The way to salvation was short and simple. We had naught to do but to repent and believe and give our hearts to Jesus, who was ever ready to receive them.
Mathurin, November 21st, The rector and the University of Paris. Follows the tenor of the letter addressed by our mother the University of Paris to our Lord the King of France and England "To the most excellent prince, the King of France and of England, our most feared lord and father. We have recently heard that the woman called The Maid is now delivered into your power, whereat we are extremely joyful, trusting in your  good ordinance to deal with this woman according to law in order to atone for the great harm and scandals she has notoriously occasioned in this kingdom, to the great prejudice of the divine honor, our holy faith and all your good people.
And because it is particularly our task as it is our profession to extirpate such manifest iniquities, especially when our Catholic faith is involved, we cannot hide the long delay in justice which must displease every good Christian, and your Majesty more than any other because of your great obligations in gratitude for the high honors, goods and dignities God has bestowed upon your excellence.
But although we have several times written to you in this connection, and do so by these presents, we must humbly beseech you, most feared and sovereign lord, with our humble and loyal recommendation, to avoid the reputation of negligence in so favorable and essential a matter, and for the honor of Our Lord Jesus Christ to command that this woman shall be shortly delivered into the hands of the justice of the Church that is to the reverend father in God our most honored lord and count of Beauvais and to the Inquisitor of France, whom it particularly concerns to know these misdeeds touching our faith; for then reasonable discussion of the charges imputed to her can be made, and such reparation brought as the case demands in order to protect the holy truth of our faith and remove every false error and scandalous opinion from the hearts of your good, loyal and Christian subjects.
It appears meet to us, if it were your highness's pleasure, to send this woman to this city where her trial could be notably and competently conducted: for the discussion would resound farther from here than elsewhere if it were led by the masters, doctors, and other notable persons already present, and it is proper for the reparation of the scandals to take place there where her deeds have been published and excessively notorious.
By doing  this your royal majesty will remain loyal to the sovereign and divine Majesty: may He grant your excellency continual prosperity and never-ending felicity. Written at Paris in our general assembly held at St. Mathurin, November 21st Your most humble and pious daughter, the University of Paris.
It is well known how for some time a woman calling herself Jeanne the Maid, putting off the habit and dress of the female sex which is contrary to divine law, abominable to God, condemned and prohibited by every law , has dressed and armed herself in the state and habit of man, has wrought and occasioned cruel murders, and it is said, to seduce and deceive the simple people, has given them to understand that she was sent from God and that she had knowledge of His divine secrets, with many other dangerous dogmatizations most prejudicial and scandalous to our holy faith.
And because she has been reputed, charged and defamed by many people on the subject of superstitions, false dogmas and other crimes of divine treason, we have been most urgently required by our well beloved and loyal counselor the bishop of Beauvais, the ecclesiastical and ordinary judge of the said Jeanne, who was taken and apprehended in the boundaries and limits of his diocese, and have similarly  been exhorted by our very dear and well loved daughter the University of Paris, to surrender, present and deliver this Jeanne to the said reverend father in God, so that he may question and examine her and proceed against her according to ordinances and dispositions of canon and divine laws, when the proper assembly shall be called together.
Therefore, for the respect and honor of God's name, for the protection and exaltation of His Holy Church and Catholic faith, we devoutly desire as true and humble sons of the Church to obey the requests and demands of the said reverend father in God and the exhortations of the doctors and masters of our daughter the University of Paris: and we command and grant, as often as the reverend father shall think fit, that this Jeanne shall be surrendered and delivered by our men and officers in whose hands she now is, so that he may question, examine her, and proceed against her according to God, reason, divine law and the holy canons.
Therefore we command our said men and officers who guard this woman to surrender and deliver her to the said reverend father in God without contradiction or refusal, as often as he shall require, and we further command all our men of law, officers and subjects, English or French, not to occasion any hindrance or difficulty in fact or otherwise to the reverend father or any who are or shall be appointed to assist, participate in or hear the said trial, but if they are so required by the said reverend father in God they shall give them protection, aid, defense, guard and comfort, under pain of grave punishment.
Nevertheless it is our intention to retake and regain possession of this Jeanne if it comes to pass that she is not convicted or found guilty of the said crimes, or certain of them concerning or touching our faith. In witness whereof we have affixed to these presents our ordinary seal in the absence of the great seal. Given  at Rouen, January 3rd, in the year of grace , and the ninth of our reign.
On behalf of the reverend father in God and lord, Pierre, by divine mercy bishop of Beauvais, we have been informed that it is his lawful duty according to his authority as ordinary judge and otherwise, to institute an inquiry against a woman commonly called Jeanne the Maid, who abandoning all modesty, has lived a disorderly and shameful life to the scorn of the estate proper to womankind: and moreover, as is commonly known, she has sown and disseminated many opinions contrary to the Catholic faith and tending to the denigration of certain articles of the orthodox belief, wherein she appears evil-thinking, suspect, and defamed.
The said bishop had proposed and resolved to institute proceedings against her since she was in his diocese and had therein committed all which was reported of her: now it came to pass according to God's pleasure that she was captured, taken and arrested in his diocese and within the limits of his spiritual jurisdiction, but that he had meanwhile been translated elsewhere.
When this fact came to the knowledge of the said reverend father he of his own authority and by other means required and admonished the illustrious prince the Duke of Burgundy and the noble lord Jean de Luxembourg and the other warders of this woman to surrender her to him, for it was his lawful and reasonable duty  as the ordinary judge to institute inquiries and proceedings against this woman who, suspected of heresy, had committed so many misdemeanors against the Catholic faith, and who, it was said, had been captured, detained and arrested within the territory of his spiritual jurisdiction.
These lords and the others who held Jeanne captive, being summoned to this end, both by the most Christian prince Henry our lord and king of France and England, and by our mother the University of Paris, obeyed these requisitions and demands: like faithful Catholics devoted to their faith, they surrendered and delivered this woman to our Lord the king or his commissaries, had her led to the city of Rouen where she was put into safe custody, and now, at the order and with the consent of our lord the king she has been surrendered, given up and delivered to the said reverend father in Christ.
For many considerations and reasons, and especially upon careful reflection of the present circumstances, it has seemed meet to institute proceedings in this city of Rouen, according to the theological and canonical sanctions, and to carry out here the inquiries which appear necessary in this case, and, in a word, to perform all the varied business pertaining to.
Certainly our bishop does not mean to put his scythe in our harvest, to act without our consent; hence he has requested us to grant him territory to assist his legal want and to perform all the acts pertaining to his suit. Therefore, approving the demand of the said reverend father, and deeming it both just and in accordance with the interests of the Catholic faith, we have granted, given and assigned him territory, and by the present letter give and assign him territory, both in this city of Rouen, and wherever in the limits of the diocese as shall appear necessary to him for all usages concerning this trial and for the execution, comprehension, decision and termination of everything pertaining  thereto.
Hence we warn all our subjects, of either sex, living in the town of Rouen and in our diocese, of whatever condition, and hereby enjoin them in virtue of holy obedience, to comply with, obey and lend aid and favor to the said reverend father in all that concerns this suit, and its consequences, by supplying testimony and advice and by other means. We allow and grant that every act arising from the inquiry shall receive its full and free effect according to law, as if it had been accomplished in his own diocese of Beauvais, whether it was in fact done by his authority, by his present or future commissioners or deputies or in conjunction with the Inquisitor of Heretical Error, or his present or future deputy, either separately or in conjunction, and shall be executed and concluded.
We give and grant him, so far as is necessary and God will allow, all authority and power excepting the right of the archiepiscopal dignity of the diocese of Rouen in other matters. December 28th, in the year of Our Lord " Signed: R. A certain woman commonly called Jeanne the Maid has during the course of the present year been taken and captured within the boundaries and limits of our diocese.
On behalf of the most illustrious prince our lord the king she has been delivered and restored to us her ordinary judge, defamed as she was by common and public report, as scandalous and suspected of many spells, incantations, invocations and conversations with evil spirits and of many other matters concerning the faith, so that we could institute proceedings against her according to the legal form customary in matters of faith.
And we, desiring to proceed maturely in the said matter of  faith, according to the legal form and upon the advice and consultation of a great number of our counselors in both canon and civil law who had assembled at our instructions in this city of Rouen of which the spiritual jurisdiction had formerly been granted us to permit us to execute and decide this matter , we judged it both necessary and fitting to have a Promoter General appointed by us in this trial, with counselors, notaries or scribes, and an usher to execute the commands and convocations necessary in the course of the trial.
Be it known therefore that being desirous of following both this advice and consultation and the legal forms, having full confidence in God and being duly informed of the fidelity, integrity, intelligence, competence and personal ability of the venerable master Jean d'Estivet, priest, canon of the churches of Bayeux and Beauvais, we have constituted, created, ordained and appointed the said Jean and do hereby constitute, create, ordain and appoint him our Promoter or Procurator in everything concerning the general and particular conduct of this trial.
And we give the said Promoter or Procurator by these presents license, faculty and authority to sit and appear in court and extra-judicially against the said Jeanne, to give, send, administer, produce and exhibit articles, examinations, testimonies, letters, instruments and all other forms of proof, to accuse and denounce this Jeanne, to cause and require her to be examined and interrogated, to bring the case to an end, and to exercise all acts known to be proper to the office of Promoter or Procurator, according to law and custom.
Therefore, to whom it may concern, we require submission, obedience, counsel and aid towards the said Jean in the exercise of his office. In witness whereof we have affixed our seal to these present letters.
January 9th, in the year of Our Lord " Signed: E. Be it known therefore that being desirous of following both this advice and consultation and the legal forms, having full confidence in God and being duly informed of the fidelity, integrity, capacity, competence and ability of master Guillaume Colles, otherwise called Boisguillaume, and of master Guillaume Manchon, priests of the diocese of Rouen, apostolic and imperial notaries and sworn notaries of the archiepiscopal court of Rouen, and subject to the consent and approbation of the venerable vicars of the archbishopric of Rouen during the vacancy of the see, we have appointed, elected and named them, and do now appoint, elect and name them notaries or scribes in this suit.
And we give them license, faculty and power to have access to the said Jeanne as often as they need to question her or hear her questioned, to receive the oaths of witnesses, to collect the confessions of Jeanne, the sayings of witnesses and the opinions of the doctors and masters, and to report them, word for word, in writing to us, to put in writing all the present and future facts of this case, to set down in writing and draw up the whole proceedings in the proper form, and in short to perform all the tasks of a notary whenever and wherever suitable.
In witness whereof etc. Follows the letter appointing a counselor "To all those who shall see these present letters, Pierre, by divine mercy bishop of Beauvais, etc. Be it known that desirous of following both this advice and consultation and the legal forms, having full confidence in Our Lord and being duly informed of the fidelity, integrity, competence and ability  of the venerable and prudent master Jean de La Fontaine, master of arts, licentiate in decrees, we have made, ordained, charged, appointed and retained the said master Jean in the quality of counselor and examiner of the witnesses to be produced in the trial by our promoter: and we give and grant the said master Jean license, faculty and authority to receive the said witnesses, to put them on oath and examine them, to absolve them conditionally, to draw up and cause to be drawn up in writing their depositions, and to perform everything pertaining to the office of one duly appointed counselor, commissary and examiner, everything we should ourselves do if we were acting in his place.
January 9th, in the year of Our Lord Follows the tenor of letters appointing the executor of our mandates "To all those who shall see these present letters, Pierre, etc. Be it known that desirous of following both this advice and consultation and the legal forms, having full confidence in Our Lord and being duly informed of the fidelity, competence and prompt diligence of the discreet master Jean Massieu, priest, dean of the Christendom of Rouen, we have appointed, retained and ordained him executor of the mandates and convocations emanating from us in this trial: we have granted him license and by these present letters grant him all license of that office.
Reading of the evidence against Jeanne On the following Saturday, January 13th, we the said bishop assembled in our dwelling at Rouen the following lords and masters: Gilles, abbot of Ste. In their presence we set forth all that had been accomplished in the previous session, and requested their advice upon the subsequent procedure in the case. In addition we read to them certain evidence collected both in the district where this woman was born and elsewhere, and also certain memoranda prepared upon particular points indicated earlier in the said evidence or referring to common report.
When all this had been seen and heard the lords and masters decided that certain articles should be duly prepared so that the matter might appear in greater distinctness and better order, and they could more certainly decide whether there was sufficient matter for the institution of a summons and trial in matters of faith. Therefore in accordance with their advice we resolved to proceed to the preparation of such articles, and we appointed to this effect certain notable persons of especial learning in canon and civil law to assist the said notaries.
And they, diligently complying with our command, proceeded to draw up the said articles on the following Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.
January 23rd, In their presence the articles which had been drawn up were read, and we requested their most prudent counsel upon the articles and upon the subsequent procedure. They informed us that the articles were drawn up and prepared in a good and competent form, that it was fitting to proceed to the interrogations corresponding to these articles: and declared that we the said bishop could and should proceed to draw up the preparatory information upon the acts and sayings of the prisoner.
Following this advice we resolved and commanded that this preparatory information should be prepared, but since we were otherwise engaged we appointed the venerable and discreet master Jean de La Fontaine, licentiate in canon law, to conduct this inquiry.
We summoned the officers already appointed and ordained by us in this suit, namely master Jean d'Estivet, the promoter; Guillaume Boisguillaume and Guillaume Manchon, notaries; master Jean Massieu, executor of our convocations and commands. We required them to take oath to fulfil their offices faithfully, and in obedience to our request they swore between our hands to fulfil and exercise them faithfully.
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February 14th 15th and 16th The preparatory information is drawn up On the Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday following, the said Jean de La Fontaine with the assistance of the two notaries proceeded to draw up the preparatory information which we had commanded.
Decision to summon the Inquisitor On Monday, February 19th , the following lords and masters appeared before us in our dwelling at eight o'clock in the morning. We the said bishop informed them that we had commanded a preparatory inquiry into certain articles concerning the words and deeds of this woman whom, as we had formerly said, our lord the king had surrendered and entrusted to us, to discover if there were sufficient cause to proceed against her and summon her in matters of faith.
In their presence we read the articles and depositions contained in this preparatory evidence. When this had been read they were fully considered by the lords and masters in a long and mature consultation. Finally at their counsel and advice we concluded that we possessed sufficient evidence to proceed against this woman and summon her in matters of faith, and we decreed that she should be cited and summoned to reply to certain interrogations to be addressed to her.
Moreover for the more convenient and salutary conduct of the matter, and in our respect for the apostolic holy see which has especially appointed lord Inquisitors of Heretical Error to correct the evils which arise against the orthodox faith, we resolved at the advice of our experienced counselors to invite and summon the lord Inquisitor of Heretics cal Error for the kingdom of France to collaborate with us in this trial if it were according to his pleasure and interest. Since however the said lord Inquisitor was then absent from the city  of Rouen, we commanded that his deputy, who was present in Rouen, should be summoned and called in his stead.
The afternoon of the same day. The Vicar of the Lord Inquisitor is summoned The same Monday, at four in the afternoon, we were visited in our house by the venerable and discreet master Jean Le Maistre of the order of Preaching brothers, Vicar of the lord Inquisitor of the kingdom of France and appointed by him to the city and diocese of Rouen. We summoned and required the said vicar to join with us so that we might proceed in conjunction in the said matter, and we offered to acquaint him with everything which had been or should in future be done therein.
Whereupon the said vicar answered that he was prepared to show us his commission or letters of appointment given him by the lord Inquisitor and according to the tenor thereof he would gladly perform all that he was in duty bound to do on behalf of the holy inquisition. Yet, since he was especially appointed for the diocese and city of Rouen only, he doubted whether his commission could be interpreted to include the present trial, although the territory had been ceded to us, because we had nevertheless undertaken these proceedings in virtue of our jurisdiction in the diocese of Beauvais.
We answered that he should return to us on the next day when we should have taken counsel upon the matter. Tuesday, February 20th In their presence we reported that we had seen the commission or letter of appointment given to the said brother Jean Le Maistre by the lord Inquisitor, and that it was the opinion of the learned authorities to whom we had shown this letter that the said vicar could in virtue of this commission collaborate with us, that this commission included this city and the entire diocese of Rouen, and that he could conduct the present trial conjointly with us.
But nevertheless to avoid the nullification of the trial we had resolved to address a summons or requisition in the form of letters patent to the lord inquisitor, requesting him to come in person to this town of Rouen and conduct the trial in person or provide a deputy authorized with more extensive and particular powers, according to the tenor of our letters transcribed below.
Whereupon the said brother Jean Le Maistre replied that for the serenity of his conscience and the safer conduct of the trial he would not participate in the present matter, unless he received especial authority. Nevertheless as far as he lawfully might he allowed that we the said bishop should proceed further until he had received more ample counsel upon the question whether he could in virtue of his commission undertake the conduct of this trial.
Thus with his consent we once again offered to acquaint him with the past and future procedure. And after receiving the decisions of the assessors, we decreed in our letters of citation transcribed below, that this woman should be summoned to appear before us on the following Wednesday, February 29th. First follows the tenor of letters of appointment of the said lean Le Maistre "Brother Jean Graverent, of the order of Preaching brothers, professor in sacred theology, by apostolic authority Inquisitor  of Heretical Error in all the kingdom of France, to his well loved brother in Christ, Jean Le Maistre, of the same order, greeting in Our Lord Jesus Christ, the author and consummator of our faith.
Heresy is a disease which creeps like a cancer, secretly killing the simple, unless the knife of the inquisitor cuts it away. Hence, with confidence in your zeal for the faith, in your discretion and integrity, and in virtue of the apostolic authority which we enjoy, we have made, created and constituted you, and by the tenor of these present letters we make, create and constitute you our vicar in the town and diocese of Rouen, giving and granting you entire authority in this town and diocese against all heretics and them suspected of heresy, their accomplices, protectors and concealers, to investigate, cite, summon, excommunicate, apprehend, detain, correct and proceed against them by all opportune means, up to and including the final sentence, with absolution and the pronouncement of salutary penances, to perform and exercise in general each and every duty pertaining to the office of inquisitor by law, custom or special privilege, which we ourselves should perform if we were acting in person.
Given at Rouen, August 21st in the year of Our Lord I saw a family of weaver birds work together for months on a nest that became such a monstrous lump of sticks and progeny and nonsense that finally it brought their whole tree thundering down. All the facts contained in the Assuan documents can be fitted into the revised Chronology necessitated by the Hebrew Text, as easily as, if not indeed more easily than, they have been fitted into the received Chronology of Ptolemy.
It lasted just a moment, whatever that is. Gerrit Smith was cool and calm in debate, and, as he was armed at all points on these subjects, he could afford to be patient and fair with an opponent, whether on the platform or at the fireside. The rest of his body rocked almost imperceptibly inside his white shirt, marking time, keeping his rhythm.
He has been singled out for a life of trial, as Jesus was. My heart pounded, for I expected everything: We may ask the Persians themselves, and if we do they will tell us that they have no records of the period, these having been all swept away by the Greek and Mohammedan Invasions. In expressing their opinion of us in after years, they said we were a very troublesome, obstinate, disobedient set of children. When his screaming got too pathetic to bear, our grim-faced mother brought in his cage and set it on the floor by the window, where Methuselah continued his loud, random commentary.
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